A Scottie never rests nor will remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force-such as the attachment of leash, incarceration in crate-like containers, and will only rest if and when all activity within it's home, town, state or country ceases.
A Scot will never move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to go from point A to point B. (This behavior is intensified whenever attached to the aforementioned leash, and is even more pronounced if there is another dog along for the walk.
Since we all know Scots don't shed, we won't even go there :)
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a Scot, all heat flows to the human, but is usually corrected with slobbery wet kisses.
A Scot will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken, and will accompany all good stretches with grunts also in proportion to the nap.
All Scots must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the Scot. This only changes if the person truly WANTS the Scot to be there, in which case, the opposite corner of the room, or house is where you will find the sleeping Scot.
A Scot can make her body long enough to reach just about any item dangling from a countertop, in hopes that if there is anything remotely interesting on it, it will come down with the item.
A Scot will accelerate at a constant speed, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Scots must attend all meals when anything good is served, and will gaze fixedly at all food which passes from plate to mouth.
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long, and it is subject to being relocated to a more appropriate part of the home, i.e. crate.
A Scot's resistance varies in inverse proportion to a humans desire for her to do something.
Scots know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will therefore use as much energy as possible.
Scots also know that energy cannot be stored, so use as much as possible, by a lot of frapping.
If a Scot watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Turn on an electric blanket and a Scot will jump into bed at the speed of light. (Beware though, if the Scot determines that too much heat is being created, the quickest way to adjust it is to separate the blanket from it's controller. Or just fuss around enough that the human who was sleeping soundly will awaken and make the necessary adjustment.
A Scot will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a Scot's head within the earliest possible nanosecond, and if not possible, then the offending box/bag must be moved to another part of the house. (see rug note above)
A Scot's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
A Scot will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can, and follow the consumption by a hearty burp. (And days of endless silent gas attacks...)
A Scots desire to destroy furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture, divided by the number of chew toys laying about.
A Scot will always land in the most painful place possible, and depending upon the volume of the screams of pain, will accompany the landing with wet kisses, just so you know they are there.
A Scot immersed in water will displace her own volume, plus the amount of water in either the Atlantic or Pacific Oceans.
A Scot can hold approximately twenty fluid ounces of water within the confines of the beard. If the water is cold, it can be retained until the Scot's human has found a nice cozy spot on the couch; the mere act of joining the human will cause the retained water to immediately transfer to the human. If there is no human available, all water disperses from the beard as said Scot meanders across the kitchen tile.
A Scots interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to not interest him.
A Scot will accept a pill on Monday with cheese. Tuesday cheese is no longer acceptable, peanut butter must be substituted. Wednesday, neither of the first two medium are useful, a dollop of cream cheese will do the trick. Thursday only a hotdog chunk is suitable for administering the medicine. Friday, good luck, you've used all the common options for dispensing pills, you're on your own.
A Scot is composed of Matter + Matter + Matter.
Although a Scot can hear a can of food being opened a mile away, he/she can't hear a simple command three feet away, if busy doing something more important.
All Scots in a given room will locate at one point, good luck telling one from the other; unless you seek to take a nice group photo, in which case all Scots will be exactly separated by the area visible in your view finder.
Scots think that if they can't see you, then you must have left.
Given enough time, a Scot will wiggle or climb into just about any space.
A Scot's mass cannot increase further, as he already weighs a ton.
It is possible to predict where a Scot actually is, especially if you are in the bathroom.
A Scot will appear to do what you wish, however it is only because they wanted to do it anyway.
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